Garland

Saturday, 22/July/2006


5 years of described impertinence.

In July 2001, most lives changed (and were defined) when I created Impertinent Fools. I thought it'd be the only site that I'd ever be able to keep for longer than a month--and I was right. I thought about not even mentioning the anniversary of the site, but I remember last year promising myself to do a 5-year anniversary special, and since the only promises I ever make and keep are to myself, you can now witness a summary of 5 years of badassness delivered to your screen, and 5 years of your life getting publicly trashed.

Here's a timeline of events for those of you with short attention spans/me:

2001

  • July - A new city is created in Orange County, CA, and later, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. wins another boring NASCAR race. To counter the regression of humanity, a website called Impertinent Fools is established the day Earnhardt wins the Pepsi 400.
  • July - Minor rants and flash animations surface. Rants tackle what many updates tackle--idiots in the world. Flash animations talk about Garland.
  • December - Enron files for bankrupty, foreshadowing a need to continue defeating Houston in later years.
2002
  • April - Created flash-themed site, with first official update--an update highlighting the suckitude of Jason X and the entire Friday the 13th series, namely highlighting Part 2, which was exceptionally bad, and exceptionally stupid.
  • Late 2002 - Remodelled the site again, still using Flash. Updates would nearly be nonexistent until a year later.
2003
  • March - Ideas surface for a possible Flash series, later called To Our Chaos.
  • March - The first episode of To Our Chaos is released.
  • November - I.F. switches hosts, where it would stay for two years. Site remodelled, first update reviewed Matrix: Revolutions.
2004
  • January - Genius is witnessed (by me) in the form of Arc the Lad 2, proving conclusively that Houston is the worst place ever. Mongolia update is also posted.
  • June - Ryan Seacrest article posted. The last article in a series of articles from 2002 - 2004 before a better archival system is adopted, keeping all updates on file somewhere.
  • September - On Air with Ryan Seacrest gets cancelled.
  • December - Site is remodelled again to nearly the current design.
2005
  • February - Host goes down until May. This would be the second-to-last time before switching hosts. Most recent article insulted New Orleans and commented on the rest of the city outside the French Quarter.
  • May - Super Nintendo article is posted, site uses another domain name.
  • June - The biggest portrayal in human stupidity comes after an update reviewing someone's website. Counter-article written, then counter-counter-article is written by me, shutting down all possible flames/hatemail. That day, the host shuts down.
  • August 28 - Hurricane Katrina hits New Orleans, giving speculation that impertinence may return in the absence of one of many websites attacking it. Katrina also proves that every level of government in the U.S. was incompetent in handling this disaster.
  • September 6 - Houston nears its final days of existence as I move to the city, also where the host is conveniently located. Able to recover old files after losing my computer to a hurricane.
  • November 11 - I.F. switches to a more stable host, reviving the website completely. Houston article posted, proving that Houston is the worst place in the world. Also showed that those who thought my balls were busted had experienced the worst day of their lives.
  • December 29 - I.F. begins an improvement phase, improving on the archive system and the simplicity of the design.
2006
  • July - Your favourite website turns 5. This means the little one will start Kindergarten, and get suspended on the first day of school for accurately labelling someone a failure.

It's been a great five years. As people will inevitable get more impertinent, let's hope that there will always be someone out there ready to criticise them.