Monday, 19/Jan/2009

My opinion on serious political issues

I don't have an opinion on the abortion issue. In fact, I live my day comfortably without caring about it at all. But after reading articles and other news, I've been swayed to have an opinion based on the facts and how well one party aligns itself with my values.

Recently, I've been leaning to the pro-choice side. Although my opinions are by default automatically correct and do not require supporting reasons in favor of my argument, I nonetheless am compelled to argue my case as once you consider the facts, you too will favor the act of aborting fetuses.

Rather than warming you up for the top argument in my thesis, I'm going to throw it to you now, because you need to adjust yourself properly for ultimate face-rocking, and my leading you on will only hurt you in the long run, as my presence alone is too extreme to be diluted. Likewise, my succinct conclusions will cause nothing short of orgasm to all who read.

Here is my biggest reason for allowing choice (or more specifically, favoring abortion):

I searched on Google for "I hate Keanu Reeves" and couldn't find anything except news that he's going to be Spike Spiegel in live-action Cowboy Bebop, Hollywood's next attempt to ruin another anime series. I was more than disappointed that nobody else has made it an issue to get rid of this moron's career, but then I found people supporting him, committing such crimes as calling him a "professional," "good actor," and "real."

I didn't realize I hated him until I saw "Matrix: Reloaded." The first question I asked myself was, "They're letting this guy act again?" I'll admit that I liked movies like "Speed" and even the Bill and Ted movies when I had a single-digit age and didn't know any better, but I certainly didn't like it because of Reeves's "unique" approach to acting. Reeves's acting is equivalent to getting a hand job from Will Ferrell: wrong.

Every time I go to work, my balls itch profusely, but sometimes they pretend they don't itch for like 5 minutes. I say this for this reason: my balls do a better job of acting than Reeves. In fact, I considered what it would be like if instead of Reeves I saw my balls just sitting there doing the same "performance" as Reeves. Of course, I discovered his use of recreational drugs has allowed him to have so many ephiphanies and relationships and teachings that I could never understand, and that makes his acting so refined. But no matter what you say, that means he had to get help to employ an acting technique on par with my nuts' acting technique.

I had a debate about this a long time ago, where someone demanded I explain how he could be such a bad actor (as they were using the "he's attractive" defense, because clearly that's a sound, non-shallow reason to support him). I cannot articulate how worthless he is, so I created a mock dialogue in a screenplay I've written just for Reeves:

• Law Enforcement Superior: You need to turn in your badge, give me your gun, and never, ever, put yourself on the Badass Task Force Case again.
• Reeves: What if I don't and say I did?
• Superior: Then I'm going to give you a face full of fist, idiot. And you get suspended and probably prosecuted.
• Reeves: What makes you think they'll take me, when they can take a loser... like you?
• Superior: You're right... I'll resolve this myself. *shotgun blast to the face* Sorry, need a tissue?

Reeves is to acting what Family Guy is to satire: a mistake. His delivery always seems to have an unsure, monotonous delivery with no variation in expression, but a paradoxical tendency to emphasize the last word of each clause (assuming he knows what a grammatical clause is). I hadn't seen him in movies for awhile, so I had assumed he did the appropriate thing and took lessons on acting, but I instead found out he was just surrounding himself with shallow women who inform everyone that he's "hot," because that "fact" is so significant it warrants sharing unsolicited opinions with random people. I can't even talk about him anymore or I will go into berserk mode and start charging at everyone at work, which gets to the next atrocity.

My job

I used to have jobs I thought were awful. I worked at McDonald's (in front of a cash register), at a movie theatre, pizza places, telemarketing, and SEO firms. This place has to be the worst, though. I used to think at least if you pretended you provided something of value and kissed up to upper management at this job, you'd get promoted, but apparently, all you have to do is stop working and participate in an occasional scandal while perpetuating rumors and you've got yourself a "secure" low-paying position at an internet marketing firm.

Just recently I had a breakthrough here (because I decided to simply ignore or become totally apathetic to the company) in that they decided to not overload me with work and give work to people they admitted didn't have any work and weren't really sure what those employees were doing (nothing).

Most people's days consist of sending out articles and links over our 100% professional e-mail system, trying to micromanage people who know what they're doing, chit-chatting for 30 minutes to an hour, and throwing balls, holding cupcake-eating contests, and saltine-eating contests. Oh yeah, we also got to watch someone run full speed into a pillar with bubble wrap, a move so stupid it attracted America's Funniest Home Videos.

Most people at my job are my age or slightly older, so it's safe to assume everyone's immature and still thinks we're in high school. And that's exactly what it is: you've got the cheerleaders, who pretend to be nice to everyone, the jackasses who are allowed to be rude because they've managed to suck up enough to get a management position, stoners who have flexible schedules that allow them to come in to work at 11:45 (or never) only to conduct meetings and calls with people as if that's real work, and the real workers who don't play office politics and try to mind their own business and eventually get fired for not being part of the "company culture."

This place is a clear example of what happens when entrepreneurs with complexes are given free reign to use other people's money as he or she sees fit. You end up with stupid decisions that one person makes (but somehow we're all responsible for, as if we suggested it), and a bunch of people who don't work. I know you're already saying it's nothing new to see management never working. We've moved beyond that, the entire work force sans 3 people don't work.

Music

I'm not talking about all music, I'm talking about the nonsense out now where we're subjected to listening to music with tasteful themes such as binge drinking, cannibis culture, raunchy sex and other taboo/stupid nonsense. Give it a rest. You're not the first nor the last to talk about these subjects, and frankly it's unoriginal and uninspired. Just another lame attempt to get publicity and followers through controversy. But if anything else supports my reason, it's this: Keanu Reeves is in a band, stereotypically playing guitar probably as GUITAR PLAYARZ R HOT LOL!!

Shade 45

Occasionally when I can't find any good song on Sirius XM, I plead for something on Shade 45. When it's just music, it can have 3 or 4 good songs each day. The problem is that, during the merger, it seems Shade 45 retained its radio personalities, all of whom are idiots. They try to be edgy and cool by being rude and interviewing PORN STARS LOL! because I can tell you I've always wanted to learn the industry secrets in pornography. Common words you'll hear on Shade 45 include come (sexual), fuck, ass, and pussy. In fact, every sentence they utter is just an arrangement of those four words.

Shade 45 wouldn't piss me off so much if they personalities would take their own advice and shut up. If you don't want to hear the callers ramble on and on, what makes you think I want to hear you ramble on. Until you do something of worth, like, say, produce an album or get recognition for your work, I'll consider acknowledging you. Until then, get bent.

Conclusion

After reviewing each argument, I saw quickly that the pro-choice crowd gets a bad rap. Had legislation and judicial review been in their favor from the beginning, we could've lived our lives without all of the above. And now that I've updated, you can all get off my back.